no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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