someone get that fucking seahorse.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
