My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
