I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
