Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
