better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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