my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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