I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
