Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need water and some morals
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
