can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
