im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
