so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
