this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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