If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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