Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
