I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
