Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Welp...herpes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
