i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
