I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
