FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
