YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
