Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
