When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
