never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize