ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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