Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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