porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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