last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
