Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
