K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
