I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
