If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
