He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
