I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
