I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
