:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
