what day is it and did you see me today?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
