I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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