Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
