I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
