is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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