Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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