It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
