There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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