Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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