i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
