I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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