there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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