You really coming over, don't trick.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
