I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
