They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's get the cat blown out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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