Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
