I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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