Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
