After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
