i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
