I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
