Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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