So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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