Sponge bath it is.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They took my balls.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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