shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
