I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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