There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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