I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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