Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Acid is not a monday night drug
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
