His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
did i just pee glitter
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the raccoons are back...
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