he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So vagazzling was a success
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
