You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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