did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
