you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
