I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
