im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize