now i know why i became what i already was.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
