What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
