did you get engaged???
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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