Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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